Yesterday Robert G. Edwards won the Nobel Prize for developing the process for in vitro fertilization with the late Dr. Patrick Steptoe. I was so excited to learn more about the man who is responsible for giving us our family. He dedicated 20 years of his career to finding a way to help couples facing infertility. Though he faced all sorts of ethical opposition, he pursued his dream so other people could pursue their own.
After I read about him in the New York Times, I clicked on the comments (200 plus of them) thinking that I would see a ton of thank yous from mothers just like me. Instead, I saw something that deep down I always knew existed but I had not yet encountered. While there were a few thank yous, there were more negative, downright nasty comments. Here’s a sampling of what I found:
“Giving him a prize for enabling the affluent, members of the class that eats up a disproportionate percentage of resources, to add yet more children to an already overpopulated world.”
“There is nothing noble about IVF. We should not reward someone for both creating and destroying life in the same process. The ends do not justify the means. IVF diminishes the basic dignity and sacredness to life and it should be regarded as a destructive technology for any society.”
“What if a certain amount of infertility was part of nature’s grand design?Perhaps infertility was one way nature had of controlling population levels?”
“I see it as a negative for mankind. First of all there is always adoption for couples who want to raise a family. Second, the last thing this planet needs is more people and this technique is not helpful in that respect. Maybe some childless couples in the genetic sense is the way it was meant to be.”
It went on and on. Though there were positive comments, I was appalled by the negative ones and could not stop thinking about them. One comment read that people who go through IVF are vain and selfish in that they want their own child and not an adopted one. That comment really hurt.
It’s no secret that I wasn’t crazy about the adoption process, but I had my reasons. Reasons that none of the knuckleheads writing into the site considered. First of all, my husband and I both have a history of depression. In certain countries, that would disqualify us immediately for adoption. Second, we’re old. No, we’re not old in the scheme of life, but we’re old when it comes to babies. Again, that was another strike against us. Third, my anxiety disorder would never let me be comfortable with adoption. No matter what legal processes we went through, I would have always been terrified that the birth parents would one day want their child back. That was something I knew I couldn’t handle.
So, after all we went through to have two of the most wonderful babies in the world, there are still these close-minded naysayers out there who will condemn anything before they try to understand it.
Unless someone has told you that you probably can’t have children or that you can’t have children without treatment, you have no idea what it’s like. You have no idea what kind of thought process that sends you through. You have no idea what it does to your self worth. You have no idea what it does to your marriage, your life plan, everything. The worst part about all of this is that the folks getting IVF treatment and adopting children are the people who really want children. Therefore, I don’t consider that overpopulation at all.
Overpopulation is caused by people who carelessly don’t practice birth control while having sex because they either don’t know about it or they’re just plain lazy and stupid. Overpopulation is unwanted children. Writing that sentence breaks my heart because all children should be wanted because they’re the best gift to this world that there is.
I almost cried while reading these comments yesterday, but somehow I stopped myself. I looked at my two little babies and wondered how anyone could condemn them coming into this world. Since they’ve been born, I have smiled more than I ever have in my life. I’ve gained a new perspective about the world, about life. All of those are positive things. Aside from sleep deprivation, everything about them is positive.
So to those folks who quickly wrote in that IVF is not part of God’s divine plan, I say this. How do you know what God’s plan is? Maybe his plan is to make people realize just how much they want a child by working for it. Maybe his plan is to give twins to folks who never though they could have one baby. Maybe his plan involves making close-minded people look like idiots on the Internet. No one knows.
All I know is that I’m thankful for Robert G. Edwards and Dr. Steptoe. I’m grateful that they understood the pain of infertility enough to do something about it. I’m grateful that their work gave us a beautiful and healthy family.
I'm Not A Fertile Myrtle 